15. Belgian Chocolates
Shelling out upwards of $100 for a tray of candy is a grand gesture that shows your partner that you are committed to keeping appearances for at least another season.
14. Romantic Coupons
Who says you need to spend money to string yourselves along in a dead romance? Romantic coupons are a fun, creative way to show your partner you’re willing to pretend you still like each other from time to time. You can gift back rubs, date nights, bedroom activities, all the stuff you used to just do all the time because you loved each other.
13. A Home-Cooked Meal
Some candles, the right music, and a little culinary know-how can wow your partner into willfully forgetting the growing, undeniable signs of your long-term incompatibility.
12. Fancy Restaurant
They can’t break up with you right after Instagraming their scallop over quail eggs, they’ll look foolish!
11. A Cooperative Game
All of the resentments that can come to the surface in an escape room date, but in the privacy of your own home, so there’s no lid on how much you can scream at each other! Watch out for those “Catch a killer” themed games, you don’t want to give them any ideas.
10. Jewelry
Nothing like a precious gem to set your commitment to putting off a breakup in stone. If you can find something your partner really likes they’ll stay with you just to keep wearing it for way longer than reasonable.
9. Bath Bomb
Here we go, give your partner the tools they need for self-care because God knows you can’t care for them.
8. Sexy Clothing
Whether it’s something for them to wear or something for you to wear, a sexy outfit can really spice up a love life that has deteriorated to the point where you’re scheduling intimacy. There are a lot of ways you can go, lingerie, provocative eveningwear, hell a pirate costume if that’s their thing. Hey, we’re not here to kink shame! We’re here to help you keep deluding yourselves because breakups involve a lot of leg work, and who has the time?
7. Something Practical
Sometimes a non-romantic gift can be the most romantic gift of all. Is your partner always running late in the mornings? Maybe get them a nice travel mug. Do they complain about neighbors being too loud at night? Try a white noise machine. It’s a way to show your partner that even though the passion is gone you are willing to pay enough attention to hack their affection.
6. A Bedroom Game
Adult games are a fun way to spice things up in the bedroom when your sex life starts to get stale, on paper. In reality, it will sit on the dresser for months. Every now and then one of you will say “Should we break this out tonight?” and the other will say “Oh, yeah maybe… I don’t know, I kind of have a headache” until finally, you give it a go, and it prompts you to do something outside of your comfort zone and the two of you are forced to face reality.
5. A Subscription Service
Repel your inevitable breakup by adding more stakes! Sure, they could begin the painful separation process and move on with their lives, but then the microlot Hondurn light roast would stop showing up every month.
4. Sex Toys
Why face the ugly truth of your basic long-term incompatibility when you can dive head first into kink?! Normalizing sex toys and gear as gifts is a great way to extend the shelf life of a doomed relationship.
3. Weekend Getaway
Why not book a cozy Airbnb for a romantic weekend getaway? It’s a rejuvenating reminder that when you remove the factors of work stress, fully incompatible friend groups, and living in a shitty apartment without a hot tub right next to the bed you guys actually sort of get along!
2. Personalized Story
What better way to control the narrative of your relationship than to actually have a cutesy narrative written for you? And illustrated! Various online companies will literally turn your relationship into a childish personalized storybook. It’s like we’re living in the movie “Her”! Remember how great all the relationships worked out in “Her”?
1. Adopt A Dog
The nuclear option. At first, your partner may think it’s crazy you made such a huge decision without consulting them, but once you give them those big puppy dog eyes (the actual dog’s eyes, not yours, your partner hates those) they’ll melt and decide then and there that they are ready to secretly resent you for the rest of their lives.
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