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Top 15 Turnstile Songs That Will Make You Stop Talking So Much Shit About Them

Unless you have been offline for the past two years, which, first of all, good for you, you’ve probably heard of Baltimore’s hardcore outfit Turnstile. Their quick ascent to the top of the charts after 2021’s “GLOW ON” has cemented this crazy little band in the hearts of aging punks everywhere and their much cooler younger cousins.

Here are the top 15 tracks to listen to in the event you got tickets to the blink-182 tour and want to seem in the know before you show up with your $750 nosebleed seats.

Runner-up: “Fuck Me Blind”

This one is frankly a little silly, with lyrics like “No more sex/ No more love/ No more kissy kiss/ No more fuck” sounding like a rejected Oingo Boingo B-side. However, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t go fucking hard. This is the bright spot on an EP everyone kind of ignored. And I have a fondness for it, so here.

15. “Alien Love Call” (feat. Blood Orange)

This shockingly mellow track is off “GLOW ON” and features Blood Orange on some really dreamy verses. If you played this to a fan five years ago and said “This is Turnstile,” they would not have believed you. There is a small chance they also might round up townspeople to get their torches and run you out of the city. It could happen.

14. “Moon”

“Moon” has the benefit of both a cheeky surf-rock sensibility and Franz Lyons vocals, which is enough for it to really stick out within Turnstile’s catalog.

13. “Underwater Boi”

Featuring a whistling intro that sounds like something out of an old movie, “Underwater Boi” is Turnstile at their most Weezer, and I’m sorry I typed that. It’s not a bad thing. Please refrain from sharing my address online.

12. “Gravity”

What a way to open their sophomore album “Nonstop Feeling.” “Gravity” toes the line between old and new-school hardcore and the result is totally captivating. This one features some of Yates’ most strained and emotional screams as well.

11. “New Heart Design”

Listen, this song is bordering on pop, but I can’t deny that I find it utterly danceable. The guitar riff is so catchy, and I love the production on this track. Another Hard Times writer, who shall remain anonymous for their safety, has described this track as “Turnstile does Bruno Mars,” which…yeah, I can see it.

10. “I Don’t Wanna Be Blind”

Heavy, loose-string bass drives the verse of “I Don’t Wanna Be Blind,” a two-minute-long meditation on only a handful of melodic ideas. Yates is once again screaming himself into hoarseness on this one, and it works nicely against the lower-tempo instrumentation.

9. “Keep It Moving”

This song, from 2013’s “Step to Rhythm,” showcases a delightful mix of speed-metal tempos, frantic shouting, and a guitar solo over fuzz bass that kind of sounds like System of a Down, but with less goatees and a drummer that doesn’t support Trump.

8. “Blackout”

The chorus of “Blackout” is perfect and frankly carries most of the song, along with the signature kooky percussion we hear in this album. I wish I had this song in 2005 when I was deep in my emo phase because it would have been pinned to my Myspace profile, the truest sign of music appreciation.

7. “Death Grip”

Old-school shit from the 2011 EP “Pressure to Succeed.” This is a killer track that sounds like Rage Against the Machine borrowed Dave Lombardo.

6. “Blue By You”

Another pseudo-surf banger with much cleaner vocals than we’re used to from 2016 Turnstile. This was a big hit for them at the time, and you can see why. It’s the right combination of accessible and surprising, and the soaring vocal track is a great contrast to the rest of the instrumentation. And the singer of 311 did a little acoustic cover of this song, which only poured fuel on the fire for people who think Turnstile sounds like 311.

5. “Generator”

“Generator” really locks into that sweet spot between mid-tempo groovy and blisteringly aggressive. The vocal touches–the little call-and-response as well as the vocoder totally elevate this one.

4. “Holiday”

A true headbanger off an album with a lot of varied shit to offer. “Holiday” brings a little bit of everything to the table: nasty breakdowns, octave vocals, and plenty of pissed-off energy to counter the more melodic moments. You probably already heard it in a Taco Bell commercial.

3. “Don’t Play”

“Don’t Play” is one of the best songs off of “GLOW ON,” ostensibly because it’s Turnstile doing what they do best: infusing hardcore punk with contrasting genres and sounds to make something totally unique. The funky Latin drums are reminiscent of “Frances the Mute” era Mars Volta and honestly, if you don’t fall for shit like that then you don’t have a pulse.

2. “Mystery”

This is usually the song I show people when I introduce them to Turnstile–it’s accessible, has a great central groove, and is a really excellent microcosm of their sound as a whole. Not surprising that this is their number one most-played song on Spotify.

1. “Real Thing”

Undoubtedly the most popular track off “Time & Space,” “Real Thing” manages to convey a huge amount of relatable emotion in under two minutes. The introductory riff alone is enough for me to place this in the top slot, bringing an energy that contrasts wonderfully with the pleading chorus and harmonic backing vocals. And the little jazz outro is the cherry on top. Chef’s kiss, no notes.