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Excuse Me Miss, May I Have This Circle Pit?

Pardon me madam, have you got a moment? I hope I haven’t interrupted anything. I’ve just been trying to work up the courage to approach you all night is all, and the boys just said this was their final tune of the night. So, please forgive me if I’m imposing, but I thought perhaps you’d care to join me in this circle pit that’s just opened up?

I hope you don’t mind if I tell you this, but I noticed you earlier this evening. Maybe it was my imagination but I could’ve sworn we locked eyes, just for a moment. My friends said you were only looking at me because I was crowd killing everyone in sight, but those gents always give me a hard time because they know how sensitive I am. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I just want to meet a nice girl that I could ride off into the sunset with on a horse made of converse and settle down somewhere and start a little cassette label or something, I don’t know.

Oh sheesh, there I go again. This “Til the Day I Die,” tattoo on my cheek oughtta say “Big Ol’ Softie,” I know.

Related: I Missed Being in a Band, So I Started Dating Five People Who Hate Each Other

 

Well, what do you say ma’am? I’ll even let you lead if you’d like. It would be an honor to run around in a little circle with you for a couple minutes. I’d have you back over here with your friends by the time they broke this shit the fuck down, you have my word.

Of course, if you’re not the kind of gal that fancies a circle pit, I completely respect that. Honestly, I was waiting to see if they played a slow one, but I’m starting to think Christ Plague doesn’t have any slow ones. If you’d rather just go get a drink somewhere, I have a couple beers in my backpack too.

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