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Review: Critics Are Too Hard on ‘Sonic,’ Which Is Fun for the Whole Family, Just Like Olive Garden

While Sonic himself may say gotta go fast, we as reviewers gotta be asked: why so harsh on our blue furry friend? Today I saw Sonic the Hedgehog in theaters with incredibly low expectations due to my fellow critics’ opinion of the film and I was blown away by what I saw. My review is this: Sonic the Hedgehog is a fun film for children and parents alike, similar to, as a completely random example, the restaurant Olive Garden.

As of writing, Sonic the Hedgehog has a mere 47% rating on MetaCritic from pretentious critics who watched this delightful movie with the eye of an aging film school graduate and not of a child. This is the wrong idea. Sonic the Hedgehog was never meant to be a 5-course meal crafted by the finest chefs in the land. Sonic is a meal that anyone can enjoy, like a Five Cheese Ziti al Forno from Olive Garden or even a Chicken and Shrimp Carbonara, also from Olive Garden.

When it comes down to it, the action in Sonic was exciting, the colors in Sonic were bright, and the dialogue in Sonic was snappy. What more could you want from a family film? Many reviews criticized the fast pace of the opening exposition of the film, but like a Lasagna Fritta (new from Olive Garden), I thought it was a powerful appetizer that made me hungry for more.

Movies are for the people, not the critics. And Olive Garden is also for the people. Which is why for a limited time only, you can get 15% off on select meals at Olive Garden if you go to their website and sign up for an exclusive coupon. Terms and conditions may apply. And that’s the message of Sonic, as well. Because what is the hero’s journey if not applying terms and conditions to overcome the problems that we face in everyday life? 

Sorry fellow critics, I give Sonic the Hedgehog 10 out 10. And yes, when it comes out on DVD, I will bring it home to my family and watch it again. And where did I get that home, you might ask? That’s right: Zillow.com.

 

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