STATION SQUARE — In a somber twist to an otherwise routine checkup, a doctor on call at Station Square Medical Center regretfully informed Knuckles the…
LOS ANGELES — In a PR blitz designed to negate the backlash to their Sonic the Hedgehog live-action design, Paramount executives scrambled to appease fans…
TOKYO — In a press conference this morning tinged with disgust and shock, Sega’s Sonic Team told reporters that they were totally insulted that the…
LOS ANGELES — In a surprise moment during the winner’s bracket semi-finals of a regional Dragon Ball FighterZ tournament between Dominique “SonicFox” McLean and another player,…
PHOENIX — Local resident Shauna Johnson was playing the newest hit indie platformer when she made a shocking discovery: a level she had understood as…
RUMIA, Poland — At the ninth annual Gdakon Con, furries came from all over the world to fuck each other while dressed as animals and…
WASHINGTON — A disturbing poll from Gallup about the Sonic franchise revealed that, across all demographics, most people do not know that the name Miles…
Hiya kids, it’s me, your pal Sonic the Hedgehog! I am saying this one time and one time only, there will NEVER be a chance…
HAGÅTÑA, Guam — Engu Kyuwa, a Japanese soldier in the Console War, was discovered to still be fighting in Guam, refusing to believe that Sega…
WASHINGTON — NASA announced on Wednesday that a 12-mile-wide underground lake has been detected near the Martian south pole, leading many in the scientific community…
NEW YORK — In a press conference today, American Civil Liberties Union president Susan N. Herman announced that the organization will “reconsider and reexamine” its…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Revered Rule 34 artist Sophia Zinn is no longer feeling inspired by her various drawings of Sonic eating out his friend Tails,…
TOKYO, Japan — SEGA held a press conference today to let the gaming world know that they haven’t learned a goddamn thing after celebrating the…
OSWEGO, N.Y. — Sonic the Hedgehog honored the Make-A-Wish request of 13-year-old DeviantArt regular Jake Applebaum, declaring his self-created character Jake the Hedgehog part of…
Despite decades of questioning, SEGA, the producers of the Sonic franchise, have reiterated that they will not answer one of gaming’s greatest questions: Where does…
