PALLET TOWN, Kanto — World famous Pokémon researcher Professor Samuel Oak has enraged students by not letting them use Bulbapedia for their final exam.
“Yet again, we have to fill out an empty Pokédex,” explained sophomore Lass. “Last year, Oak let us cite Bulbapedia for our midterm and final papers, but now he requires first-hand research with the Pokémon themselves. Does he not realize that there are now 809 fucking Pokémon? You have to be shitting me.”
Professor Oak defended his stringent criteria for passing Pokémon Taxonomy 302 during a recent lecture.
“It’s about time these little turds put down their vape pens, get the hell out of the house and learn about Pokémon with their own eyes,” Professor Oak grumbled. “So no more Bulbapedia, no more YouTube clips embedded in midterm presentations — you will travel the entire country catching Pokémon in dangerous locales while being harassed by terrorists if you want to get an A in this class.”
“Half of these students couldn’t identify a goddamned Kangaskhan,” Oak continued. “How can you possibly forget the stats of a Pokémon named after history’s most genocidal tyrant?”
The change in course requirements has made completing the program extremely difficult for lower-income students.
“I don’t have any money to travel to goddamn Lavender Town on a weekend. This is some classist bulllshit,” complained student Julia Vasquez. “One of the requirements for this semester is to hang out on a fucking cruise ship.”
When asked for comment, freshman Youngster replied by saying, “I like shorts! They’re comfy and easy to wear!”
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