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Gamer Asks Chipotle Employee Which Type of Beans Provide Better Stat Boost

AUSTIN — Frustrating employees and other patrons and holding up the line behind him with his questions, a local gamer asked a Chipotle employee taking his burrito order which beans would provide him with a better stat boost, hungry sources confirmed earlier this afternoon.

“Do you know if the black or the pinto beans give a better defense boost?” inquired Stewart McCaffrey, looking around at the posted signs and placards for other important nutritional information. “If you have a laminated card or a tooltip that shows all of the buffs of your ingredients, that would be really helpful.”

McCaffrey, a gaming and health enthusiast, says he tracks all of his stats religiously and that being informed is the key to effectively min-maxing your diet.

“I have a history of heart conditions in my family, so my most important stat is defense. After that I probably care the most about movement speed, so I also look at how heavy each ingredient is,” he explained. “I don’t make a habit of eating out like this, but when I do, I like to know exactly how it’s going to affect my body. These kinds of decisions can really add up throughout the course of a run.”

At press time, an upset McCaffrey had finished eating his burrito only to discover that it also provided a hidden poison damage debuff that would only go away over time.

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