Press "Enter" to skip to content
Buy the new Hard Times book!

Boycotting Porn With Female Characters Sends Gamer on Journey of Self Discovery

LINCOLN, Neb. — In the months since launching a personal boycott of all “politically correct” pornographic material featuring women of any kind, local gamer Chase Turbull has reportedly undergone a beautiful transformation into a more confident, fulfilled version of himself.

“It all started when I was watching a clip of a man and woman having sex on PornHub, and as usual, I was just totally disgusted that they would shoehorn this gross woman into a perfectly good film about a hot dude getting off,” said Turnbull, recounting the beginning of his journey into previously buried elements of his sexual identity. “And I decided, you know what, I’m done with porn shoving politics down my throat. From now on, I’m only watching films with hunky dudes going to town on each other. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Turnbull’s friends confirmed that the boycott began a slow change in his demeanor, beginning with a more animated and happy outlook on life, and culminating in an official “coming out” to his best friend and fellow gamer David Geiss.

“I’ll never forget when he told he was gay,” said Geiss. “We had just walked out of Captain Marvel five minutes in, and we were taking videos of ourselves ripping up our tickets. He just came out and said it. We both cried and hugged. I was so proud of him.”

Facebook posts from the past several years reveal that Turnbull had engaged in similar boycotts before, including a boycott of the WWE following the “Women’s Revolution” in 2015, when the company expanded the role of female wrestlers in its promotions.

“Im fuckin done with this ‘diva’ bullshit, who the fuck wants to watch some skinny blonde girl in skimpy clothes when you got a prime piece of beef like John Cena all greased up ready to throw down with a hefty daddy like the Big Show,” wrote Turnbull in a years-old post on the topic.

Turnbull now finds those previous comments embarrassing, describing that particular Facebook post as “silly” and “totally out of line.”

“I read that stuff and I can see the real me trying to come out, but all the macho WWE bullshit was getting in the way,” said Turnbull while attending an airing of RuPaul’s Drag Race at a local sports bar with friends. “Good thing I’m still boycotting that shit. They put a women’s match in WrestleMania this year, right? Fuckin’ liberals.”

Check out the newest episode of the Hard Drive podcast where we watch and discuss every episode of 1989’s The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

Want to support Hard Times? Buy a shirt. We’ll use the money to write more articles.