HENDERSON, Nev. — With her seven-year itch wedding anniversary approaching, a local woman is becoming increasingly anxious since noticing she doesn’t feel any of the restlessness, dissatisfaction, or adulterous yearnings she was promised to encounter, sources close to the woman report.
“I never imagined my life would turn out like this,” said Sonia Hudson, a reluctantly devoted wife and mother of three. “On our first date, he air drummed Peter Frampton’s solo from ‘Do You Feel Like I Do?’ and I remember sitting next to him wincing and thinking, ‘This is the man I’m going to divorce one day.’ Instead, six and a half years later, I wake up feeling mildly content and grateful for our life together. My parents would be so disappointed.”
As a child of divorce, Husdon was taught that marriage is an unsacred union between a man and woman, and that a couple should always go to bed angry at each other because it minimizes guilt the next day when you feel like cheating.
“She wasn’t brought up this way, but we will support her choice to stay with her husband, no matter how much we disagree with her decision,” said Paul Hudson, Sonia’s father. “I just worry about her children. Have you seen the kids who grow up in these two-parent homes? Disturbing stuff. Lord knows if her mom and I hadn’t divorced, Sonia probably would’ve grown up to be a drug addict or someone who collects exotic animals.”
Couples who worry about having to endure a long, moderately happy marriage are advised by relationship experts not to jump to conclusions.
“Some couples are so quick to throw in the towel and make their marriage work,” said relationship consultant Stewart Berg. “By resigning yourself to the humdrum of stability, companionship, and a slightly below average sex life, you’re going to miss out on those all-too-valuable character-building years of court hearings and custody battles. People don’t want to hear this, but a good divorce takes work, time, and the blind spite of two unsupportive and unloving partners.”
At press time, Mrs. Hudson’s parents were seen preparing to intervene after hearing the couple planned to renew their vows.
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