PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local woman Tracey Garibay entered the wild world of bondage by trying on a pair of American Apparel skinny jeans she hadn’t worn since her junior year of high school, stunned sources reported.
“You’ll have to excuse my underwear,” said Garibay, sitting on her bed with her pants stuck halfway up her thighs. “I’ve experimented with some light bondage in the past, like when I put my pants on right after they came out of the dryer, but I’ve never done anything this extreme before. I don’t know what got into me. I was sitting alone in my room feeling a little kinky and decided to test the limits of my leg circulation.”
Garibay’s subconscious desire to surrender control was triggered after a long-forgotten pair of size 26 jeans resurfaced while cleaning out her closet.
“I didn’t even know she owned jeans,” recalled Garibay’s boyfriend Andrew Whitaker. “I’ve only seen her wear one-size-fits-all sweatpants or my basketball shorts. Whenever she’s around me, she keeps it very vanilla, I’m talking overalls and t-shirts from promotional giveaways at the gym. I have to admit seeing her helplessly wriggling around on the floor begging me to pull on one of her pant legs got me pretty hard. I’m hoping she might also want to try on that Warped Tour 2008 tank top I saw in the back of her closet.”
BDSM is not risk-proof. It’s important for beginners to tread lightly, whether you’re working with spreader bars, crotch knots, or trying to get out of a dress you haven’t worn since 2012 without dislocating your shoulder.
“She already broke rule number one by engaging in self-bondage,” said Madame Felicia Evil, dungeon monitor at an undisclosed location. “It’s important to have a Dom standing by so you can administer safe words like ‘hazelnut,’ ‘pineapple’ or ‘Oh my god my legs are turning purple, call an ambulance and tell them to bring scissors.’ I once walked in on a girl bound so tightly by a pair of vintage Guess jeans that it made a shibari hogtie look like a spa treatment.”
At press time, Garibay was heard screaming “pineapple” midway through trying on a pair of raw selvedge jeans she hadn’t worn since college.