LOS ANGELES — Famed skateboarder Tony Hawk revealed that he really only got into skateboarding after playing countless hours of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3, confirmed sources still trying to wrap their heads around that concept.
“Yeah, I was an accountant who was super bored with my life when I first started playing THPS3 on my N64 and I just couldn’t put it down,” explained Hawk while spinning a skateboard on his index finger like a basketball. “Seeing what I was able to do in the game really inspired me to pick up a board for the first time in my life and just start skating. I figured if I could manual in the game for 20 minutes straight while doing multiple handstands, then hitting a 900 in real life should be no problem. I was right.”
Multiple skaters were confused after hearing about this revelation.
“I think it’s cool that Tony got into skateboarding thanks to THPS3 because that’s how I got into boarding too. Hey, wait a minute,” said skater Kelvin Grady. “No seriously, am I high right now because how does that make any sense? I don’t think I’m high because I haven’t smoked anything in over 20 minutes and I should have come down a little by now. How the hell did they come out with multiple Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater games before Tony Hawk even got into skateboarding? Is Tony Hawk just a character that was created for the games or did Neversoft create the human as some sort of marketing campaign for the game? No, that can’t be because the actual Tony Hawk is featured on the original box art for the games. This must be my last concussion acting up because what the hell?”
Long-haired theoretical physicist Michio Kaku chimed in to explain what’s going on as he will show up anywhere to explain stuff when asked.
“Have you ever wondered why so many people don’t recognize Tony Hawk when they see him in public?” asked Kaku. “It’s because Tony Hawk both simultaneously exists and doesn’t exist. He lies in a perfect superposition as defined by the Heisenberg uncertainty principle in which the person known as Tony Hawk has always been but has also never been. This all started of course during an event known as the ‘Mountain Dew Baja Blast’ which was an event similar to the big bang in which both ska and skateboarding entered the mortal realm for the first time. Quite fascinating indeed.”
At press time, it was also confirmed that the members of Goldfinger first got into ska punk after listening to themselves performing “Superman” during their playthrough of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater.