LOS ANGELES — A decorative mistletoe went missing at a Hollywood holiday party only to be discovered in a private bedroom being sucked on by major filmmaker and noted foot fetishist Quentin Tarantino, alarmed sources report.
“I could tell the vibe was getting weird from the moment he walked in the door and realized it was a ‘shoes off’ house,” reported a partygoer who asked us to remain anonymous. “Quentin’s eyes lit up, and he just kinda hovered around the heels and flats by the door, with a look on his face like he was admiring found treasure. I’ve never been more happy to have a spare pair of socks in my purse.”
Some guests had a more positive outlook on the situation.
“I’ll be honest, when I heard that no one could seem to find Quentin, it was a bit of a relief. I’m not sure I was ready to handle the constant talking” said Hollywood actor and frequent Tarantino collaborator Brad Pitt. “Every time we run into each other at one of these, it becomes a marathon of him listing these weird, obscure movies that he wants to re-make for a new audience. Sometimes I just want to grab him and tell him that most people don’t find ‘70s exploitation cinema as fascinating as he does”.
When asked to comment about his mistletoe fellating, a very sweaty Tarantino pulled the mistletoe out of his mouth to defend his behavior.
“You know, this gives me a great idea for a movie,” said Tarantino, much to the chagrin of the partygoers around him. “Think about it. The movie is set in Hollywood, 1977. Huge Christmas party attended by the hottest celebrities in town is suddenly crashed by a jaded actress who has come to seek revenge on the city and industry that burned her by showing and setting everybody on fire with, uh, a flamethrower attached to… a knife! That part can be played by Anya Taylor-Joy, as long as she agrees to be barefoot the whole time.”
Tarantino reportedly continued to be a weird nuisance at the party until he was forcibly removed for shoehorning in the N-word during the Christmas Carol sing-a-long.