BROOKLINE, Mass. — Local birdwatcher Gregory Luddy is reportedly so punk rock in her birding that the birds she’s into watching are ones you’ve probably never even heard of, several eye-rolling sources confirmed.
“I can’t help it if the birds I’m into watching don’t conform to the mainstream narrative. If I’m gonna put binocular to eyeball, it’s going to be for a more underground variety of bird, maybe even something invasive that upends your view of what it is to be a bird. Sue me for wanting to support the local scene,” said Luddy. “Hey, it’s cool with me if you want to look at a sparrow or a nuthatch. I’m sure they’ll enjoy the Beatles records you’re surely streaming on Spotify with you.”
Members of Brookline Birders, the birding group of which Luddy is a member, say her pretentious attitude rubs certain people the wrong way.
“Gregory usually goes off by herself, saying she’s into watching birds we probably would be freaked out by, us being normies and all, but she’s usually close enough that we can hear her scoff at our finds,” said Brookline Birder founding member Harold Michaelson. “I don’t care what she says, every bird is valid to this group, and pigeons and ducklings are classics for a reason. Who cares if everyone knows them? Sometimes I actually think she is just making up birds to make us feel bad.”
A representative of the local Audubon Society Eileen Strutts said that while birding is theoretically an activity everyone can enjoy, Luddy is wearing out her welcome in the community.
“Usually when a young person shows enthusiasm for birding, we want to nurture that interest, and help sculpt the birders of tomorrow,” said Strutts. “But Gregory birds with a negative energy that I’m surprised the local wildlife doesn’t sense and steer clear from. I’ll say it: she scares me. Sometimes Gregory bursts in, bragging about how she was into sapsuckers and warblers before everyone else was looking at them, kicking down taxidermy and putting up her fists with violence in her eyes. Call me a square if you must, but the only murder we want to see here at the Audubon Society is a group of crows.”
At press time, Luddy’s birding notebook revealed that the “underground birds” she had been referring to were rats, insects and, in one case, a cactus.