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Police Sketch of Suspect Matches Every Skinhead in Existence

LOS ANGELES — Police were overwhelmed with false leads after releasing a sketch of a suspect that matches every skinhead in existence. Sources inside the police department say the problem is related to the general “sketchiness” of skinheads.

“They’re always talking about the color of people’s laces and shit. I don’t know, they’re just sketchy,” Tim Alvarez, the Los Angeles police chief, said in a press release.

Skinheads everywhere were reportedly not sorry.

“One law for them, one law for us. I won’t say sorry. Chaos. Other skinhead songs,” Jim Thurber, an LA-based skinhead said.