LOS ANGELES — Live music extortion racket Ticketmaster recently celebrated the surprise release of a brand new feature to its service where they send a…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Tenants of a local punk house are locked in a bitter discourse of what actually constitutes garbage, despite weeks of living amongst…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Aging hardcore guy and noted crowd killer Tom Reilly reportedly received a gold X Swatch for his decades-long career as a pit…
LAREDO, Texas — Conservative Tanner Oakenson recently committed his life to destroying all forms of fictional child abuse invented by his favorite conservative podcasters and…
DES MOINES, Iowa — All 65 million members of Generation X around the country celebrated after finally realizing their goal of becoming invisible to the…
CLEVELAND — Officials at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s Elvis Presley exhibit announced they will be copying the exact layout of the African…
WASHINGTON—Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) was briefly hospitalized earlier this week after a reported altercation with legendary vampire hunter Van Helsing, multiple Beltway insiders confirmed. “Oh,…
PITTSBURGH — Popular language learning app, Duolingo announced they will be adding a new “Eddie Vedder” course to their catalog designed to help members learn…
DANVERS, Mass. — An especially deep stage dive by local Garry Beverling established contact with long-fabled unsettling bioluminescent punks who thrive down there, sources confirmed…
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — Local metal enthusiast Griff Nilsson asked his doctor to adjust the persistent ringing in his ears to a pitch that was more…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local post-punk revival band Shadow Impaction played to a record 128 mostly unwilling patrons at Frankie’s Den following a local tornado warning…
BOISE, Idaho — Up-and-coming band Settler’s Pit are desperately trying to sell their kidneys to pay for gas just one week into their first full…
Nickelback Firmly Insists No AI Helped Write New Concept Album About Quantum Physics and Geopolitics
Nickelback Firmly Insists No AI Helped Write New Concept Album About Quantum Physics and Geopolitics
HANNA, Alberta — Rock band Nickelback reportedly dismissed swirling rumors that their new album “Geopolitical Quantum: An Analysis of Cosmic Diplomacy” was generated by AI…
NEW YORK — The annual “Punk Humanitarian of the Year” award was given to local drunk Rick Johnson who selflessly gave away over 35 loose…
LOWELL, Mass. — Local addict Sam Agnew asked his coke hookup to keep his tab open after the drug dealer upgraded to a cashless system…