LOS ANGELES — Exclusive insider reports revealed that the eleventh film in the “Saw” franchise will feature Jigsaw torturing his victims by strapping them into…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor and Republican Presidential Candidate, Ron DeSantis, promised that, if elected, he would change the fifty stars section of the American…
DENVER — Local mom Carla Bogerton’s newfound acceptance of cannabis is reportedly ruining the fun of slipping away from the Thanksgiving table to smoke a…
JERUSALEM — The Israeli government and Hamas agreed to a humanitarian ceasefire after the IDF realized needed time to receive more missiles from the United…
ANAHEIM, Calif. – A pair of local hardcore lovebirds announced they reached the Disneyland stage of their relationship after several months of courtship, confirmed sources…
AUSTIN, Texas — Adrenochrome “Addy” Jones, the five-year-old German Sherperd owned by far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, claims to have proof that the still unnamed…
NEW YORK — A new choose-your-own-adventure horror book intended specifically for individuals in their mid-thirties entitled “Halfway To the Grave” always results in the reader’s…
WASHINGTON – Local punk Rene Johnson was absolutely gobsmacked and quite offended after he got a Slack notification from his boss this afternoon, sources currently…
Thanksgiving! A great way to kick off the season of spending dreadful amounts of time with your relatives, making small talk and pretending to have…
CORTLAND, N.Y. — Local millennial Jacob Horwitz felt nostalgic for a time when corporate rental giant Blockbuster moved into his town and destroyed his aunt…
PUEBLO, Colo. – Local downer Henry Bergen recently stopped going through the motions of pretending to wash his hands after using the bathroom, according to…
DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local delinquent Christine Pritchard surprised friends and family when she somehow obtained a prescription for cigarettes, according to impressed fellow small-time grifters.…
DENVER — Colorado Judge Sarah Wallace ruled on Saturday that former President Donald Trump did in fact incite the January 6th insurrection, but can run…
RICHMOND, Va. — Diehard moderate Harold Quigley caused a stir in both the conspiracy theorist and scientist communities with his centrist viewpoint that the moon…
GLENOLDEN, Pa. — Engineers and chemists alike curbed their amazement Wednesday when La Salle University research scientist Steve di Bastino of Delaware County announced the…