ANAHEIM, Calif. – A pair of local hardcore lovebirds announced they reached the Disneyland stage of their relationship after several months of courtship, confirmed sources…
AUSTIN, Texas — Adrenochrome “Addy” Jones, the five-year-old German Sherperd owned by far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, claims to have proof that the still unnamed…
NEW YORK — A new choose-your-own-adventure horror book intended specifically for individuals in their mid-thirties entitled “Halfway To the Grave” always results in the reader’s…
WASHINGTON – Local punk Rene Johnson was absolutely gobsmacked and quite offended after he got a Slack notification from his boss this afternoon, sources currently…
Thanksgiving! A great way to kick off the season of spending dreadful amounts of time with your relatives, making small talk and pretending to have…
CORTLAND, N.Y. — Local millennial Jacob Horwitz felt nostalgic for a time when corporate rental giant Blockbuster moved into his town and destroyed his aunt…
PUEBLO, Colo. – Local downer Henry Bergen recently stopped going through the motions of pretending to wash his hands after using the bathroom, according to…
DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local delinquent Christine Pritchard surprised friends and family when she somehow obtained a prescription for cigarettes, according to impressed fellow small-time grifters.…
DENVER — Colorado Judge Sarah Wallace ruled on Saturday that former President Donald Trump did in fact incite the January 6th insurrection, but can run…
RICHMOND, Va. — Diehard moderate Harold Quigley caused a stir in both the conspiracy theorist and scientist communities with his centrist viewpoint that the moon…
GLENOLDEN, Pa. — Engineers and chemists alike curbed their amazement Wednesday when La Salle University research scientist Steve di Bastino of Delaware County announced the…
NEW YORK — Embattled Republican congressman George Santos shocked constituents and detractors alike when it was revealed he actually pays for OnlyFans content. “When I…
RICHMOND, Va. — Avid punk and reluctant father, John Husk Sr., looked stunningly glowing during his son’s first-ever court appearance yesterday for assaulting three officers,…
GAZA CITY — Teen fandom magazine Tiger Beat sent novice 16-year-old journalist Palmer Fredricks to Gaza for live reporting, confirmed sources who didn’t know the…
WOODSIDE, Calif. — A confused and disoriented President Joe Biden made a stirring declaration to Chinese Premier Xi Jinping insisting he tear down the Great…