NEW YORK — Executives from The Big Five book publishers launched a coordinated effort to boost sales by pressuring the universe’s creator, and once prominent…
MENLO PARK, Calif — Facebook parent company Meta launched what it describes as its “most powerful Facebook profile picture filter yet” in a bid to…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Jeremy Squires is celebrating an astonishing 15 years of contemplating sobriety surrounded by friends, family, and bottomless mimosas at his…
LOS ANGELES — The world-famous yellow AOL running man was reportedly found unconscious at the Chateau Marmont last night after an alleged drug overdose following…
INDIANAPOLIS — Local man Dave McGrath is clinging to hope that contracting salmonella is part of the process of the lifestyle after his recent pivot…
HAZELTON, Pa. — Former President Trump took time during a campaign rally to brag about successfully completing another cognitive test after finishing the puzzles on…
TONAWANDA, N.Y. — 39-year-old Kyle Lowe recently began a new and horrifying phase of his adulthood where he now almost exclusively begins any interaction by…
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — President Biden made an attempt to win over Gen Z voters by appearing on stage at a Frankie Valli and the…
“The Golden Bachelor” first captured the nation’s heart with a romantic tale of two widowed septuagenarians who were able to find love again later in…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — A domesticated pig found his life in jeopardy as he began to suspect his punk owner Kevin Gelinas only adopted him to…
LONG BEACH, Calif.—Aspiring musician Keith Brown’s practice space was transformed from a once-fun jam area to an utterly sexless dungeon, sources sadly confirmed. “Welcome to…
LAS VEGAS – Former football star and accused double-murderer OJ Simpson took one last instinctual swipe at a blonde nurse standing nearby just before taking…
WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Independent record shop Columbia Flophouse somberly announced the business’s going-out-of-business sale nearly two full weeks before the store was scheduled to…
FORT WORTH, Texas — Local masturbator James Matheson was overheard thoughtfully whispering to himself a historical poem about Alexander the Great upon reaching the last…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Members of the Florida Senate quickly passed a new bill last night that will allow teachers K-12 to publicly pistol whip students…