WASHINGTON — Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu visited President Trump at the White House today and gifted him the remains of an infant killed by American bombs in Gaza, multiple sources confirmed.
“America is the best friend Israel could ever ask for. To show my appreciation I brought him a fruit basket with Israel’s most delicious offerings, and an unidentified corpse of a future Hamas terrorist that we were able to eradicate because the American taxpayers have been so generous to our cause,” said Netanyahu while trying to wash the blood from his hands. “Traditionally, we would have just thrown this body in an unmarked mass grave, but I wanted President Trump to see that his support is not going to waste. Hopefully I’ll be able to bring him more exploded children next time, there are certainly plenty of them to choose from.”
President Trump spoke about his fondness for the gift and the relationship with Israel going forward.
“This is really great stuff. I love seeing just how powerful American bombs are, I opened up that bag and you can’t even tell it was a kid. I hope we can start using some of these bombs on the border and in these cities run by radical leftist lunatics. If we want to make America great again we have to blow a few people up, there is no way around it,” said Trump. “Prime Minister Netanyahu is also going to lend us a few members of his military to train our brave ICE agents on the best way to subdue a population. It’s going to be beautiful, then we are going to have illegal immigrants fighting on the White House lawn to the death and the winner gets a green card. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
Democratic leader Chuck Schumer pushed back against the Netanyahu visit.
“It’s a disgusting display that Prime Minister Netanyahu didn’t bring more dead children as a sign of appreciation for all the Democrats who have supported him over the past two years. Democrats have stood firmly by his side, we want to see those dead children ourselves. We didn’t sign those bombs because we like the look of our signatures,” said Schumer. “I just hope he sees the error of his ways, but I would also like to apologize to anyone at AIPAC for speaking out of turn. Please don’t turn off my money, I’m just frustrated, we can work through this.”
At press time, Netanyahu turned on a live feed of a Gaza aid site and let President Trump yell the ceremonial “Open fire” to Israeli troops with their guns trained on starving Palestinians.