EATONTOWN, N.J. — Local man Brian Johanssen admitted that he is still grieving the loss of his favorite radio station despite the fact it went off the air over 20 years ago, those close to him have reported.
“Until I was 17, the only thing that mattered to me was 106.3 WHTG. DJs were like a cool older sibling who’d turn you on to the best alt-rock bands before they blew up. Imagine waking up one day to find they changed formats to Top 40 pop music overnight without warning. You’d be carrying trauma for over two decades too,” said Johanssen. “I know stations changing genres is a part of life, but I never even got to say goodbye! Yeah, I can listen to all the bands they played on Spotify, but until a Jersey native plays ‘Mother, Mother’ by Tracy Bonham followed by the local surfing conditions on my radio for me, my heart remains broken.”
Johanssen’s wife expressed concern over his inability to let go.
“When we started dating he told me in passing that it was the only station he listened to his entire childhood. It’s only recently I realized he has full-blown PTSD from its demise, like when I caught him giving his tattered WHTG poster in the garage the thousand-yard stare or when he brings up that Matt Pinfield used to work there and then starts weeping,” said Sarah Johanssen. “His grief is manifesting itself into annoying shit though, like building a radio station in the shed and emailing the old DJs to come play R.E.M. deep cuts with him. He needs to move on already.”
WHTG’s previous station manager still stood by his decision even after all this time.
“The only way we make money is through ads. I’m fucking sorry if our market research showed brain dead pop music generated more revenue than plaid shirt clad hipsters spinning At the Drive-In,” said Vinny Palapolis. “To this day I still can’t get over how attached some folks are to FM radio. I still have nightmares about the time I switched up a hard rock station to country and a bunch of metalheads tried to burn down the studio that night. Get a life!”
As of press time, neighbors in the area of the station confirmed that a figure dressed in black and looking similar to Johanssen has been seen laying flowers at the station antenna.