MILWAUKEE — Local punk Noah Vickens harbored resentment against people who don’t bat an eye at his appearance, confirmed sources who shrugged their shoulders as he walked by.
“Well, it’s kinda bullshit if I can be real with you,” said Vickens while smoking cigarettes in the parking lot of a local library. “When I was 17, I got the full spectrum of reactions. Disgusted looks, staring, bus drivers sadly shaking their heads when I would board. Now I’m 27 and I am lucky if I get someone to do a double-take, let alone a spit take. I would have never taken the time to learn how to sew on this Leftöver Crack back patch if I knew that one day strangers would stop coming up to ask for tips on hemming and backstitching. I am so much more than my crocheting skills. For instance, I also wear a wallet chain.”
Community members admit they barely even notice Vickens out in public.
“I first noticed it last week at this Kwik-Stop,” said friend Marky Tailwater. “We went to get cigarettes after scraping together change we found on the floor of my car. He walked in with his mohawk, tattoos, and piercings, and he had this big smirk on his face like he was expecting the clerk to call the cops. Instead, the guy behind the counter just said ‘Hey guys’ and continued checking their phone. Noah was so pissed that he left in a huff, and we had to try again at a different convenience store. I think he’s getting irritated that his public presence doesn’t have the same shock value as it did in like, 1994.”
Local Librarian Alicia Crusyn had her own view on the situation.
“I’ve known Noah since he was very young, and it’s been a joy to watch him grow,” said Crusyn while making her alphabetizing rounds. “He comes in very frequently to use the computers and has also rented all of the ‘Decline of Western Civilization’ DVDs several times. He’s a wonderful, polite young person whose unique sense of style is always welcome at our public library. My only wish is that he would tell me where he got those cool studs for his jacket. I really want to bedazzle my outerwear too.”
At press time, Vickens finally got the shocked reactions he sought after by appearing at a local punk show while wearing a clean-collared shirt.