DENVER — A local mediocre man spent several days feeling proud about himself after outsmarting a housefly that had been trapped in his apartment for days, sources with compound eyes confirmed.
“Man, I’ve just been on such a high ever since I tricked that fly into leaving my apartment. It was buzzing around for hours, and every time I tried to swat it, it would just fly away. So finally I had the idea of taking the screen off the window, and it flew right out. HA HA! Stupid insect. Who’s the apex predator now?” said Evan Richards, unemployed. “I am pretty exhausted after all that excitement, though. I might just spend the rest of the day scrolling TikTok and playing video games while my wife cleans up the place.”
His wife, Sara Richards, says she hasn’t seen her husband this proud of himself since the time he tricked the family dog into going to the vet.
“He seems to be really pleased with himself for outwitting an insect. It’s just like when we had to take Ruffles to the vet, and she wouldn’t get in the car, so Evan threw some treats in the backseat of the car, and she jumped right in. He is beaming with that same sense of pride now over getting the fly out of the house,” said Ms. Richards. “If only he could put this type of energy into something productive like doing the dishes or you know, finding a job.”
Social psychologist Dr. Debra Gorman says there is a certain percentage of the population like Mr. Richards, who have lowered their expectations in life and feel proud about their trivial achievements.
“We find that a good portion of the population, mostly men in their 30s to 40s, have had their expectations on what would be considered a successful life lowered so that any mundane task for them now feels like they have actually accomplished something meaningful,” said Gorman. “And rather than ridicule these individuals, we should encourage and support them. After all, mediocre middle-aged men with no discernible skills could very well go on to become CEOs of major companies or even elected officials.”
At press time, Mr. Richards had reportedly “beaten that super hard mission in ‘Red Dead Redemption II’” and had gone out for beers to celebrate.
