MARBLEHEAD, Mass. — Local lobster fisherman Jeff Murphy threatened to quit his job and leave Massachusetts entirely after repeatedly being mistaken for a student of Boston University’s Design program, coworkers have reported.
“You know why I wear overalls, a watchman cap, and look exhausted all the time? Because I’m a goddamn lobster fisherman along with half of this town. But every time I make a delivery in the city, some asshole kid in a BU hoodie asks me how my photography class project is going, or where I buy my acrylic paints. Bro, does it look like I keep lobster cages in my truck for fun?” said Murphy. “How would they like it if they’d dropped out of 11th grade to work on their alcoholic uncle’s fishing boat for 12 hours a day, and I walked up to them and asked to copy notes from the lecture about the history of printmaking? Fuck them and their pristine Carhartt overalls.”
Even faculty at Boston University had a hard time believing he was not a student.
“I’m sure he was in the midst of some performance art piece where he pretends to not be a student. But I’m fairly confident this young man is one of my students and he definitely skipped class today and wasn’t, as he so eloquently put it, ‘covered in fish guts for some abstract art project’ before calling me a fucking clown,” said applied arts professor Tom Jameson. “Honestly, I don’t know why this young man adopted the blue collar attitude along with the dress code, but if he continues to not turn in his assignments I’ll have no choice but to fail him.”
The university’s school of fashion weighed in on the confusion as well.
“One of our grad students did a fascinating study about working class jobs and corresponding aesthetics. They found fishermen, along with lumberjacks and construction workers, are most often mistaken for upper middle class liberal arts majors,” said Dean Heather Wilcox. “These jobs are already difficult, and it certainly doesn’t help that off the clock they’re assumed to be up for a debate on modernism versus realism at overpriced coffee shops. It’s been said many times before, but we need to remind ourselves daily that someone’s culture is not a costume.”
As of press time, Murphy had considered changing careers entirely after being mistaken for Bon Iver for the tenth time.
