PURCHASE, N.Y. — Self-proclaimed bass player Ezra Steinberg was finally accepted into his local DIY scene Saturday after catching the attention of basement show guests with his freshly painted black thumbnail, impressed sources confirm.
“I expected to get zero head nods again — like a few weeks back, when I showed up wearing a denim jacket I spent hours sewing a Bikini Kill patch onto,” said Steinberg. “Weirdly, the black thumbnail wasn’t even part of the plan this time. But when the guy at the door saw it, he bummed me two American Spirits on the spot and let me in for free.”
Several scene veterans at the show were so impressed by Steinberg’s painted black thumbnail that at first they didn’t recognize him.
“When I saw a chipped black thumbnail in my periphery, I didn’t realize it was attached to that lame kid who always rambles about Supersuckers B-sides,” said Tyler Petrowski, frontman of local punk band the Slow Learners. “I just assumed he was a part of the usual crew… until he brought up Kurt Vonnegut’s short stories, and I realized it was Ezra. I still helped him up when he fell in the pit, though, ‘cause real respects real.”
Although Steinberg is in similar disbelief about his sudden induction, he has shifted his attention to maintaining his status in the scene.
“I’m really psyched to finally be accepted, but I know I’m walking on thin ice. Just to be safe, I’m gonna buy some of the underaged kids beer to make connects with the local bands, and try not to bump my thumb into anything so this paint doesn’t chip all the way off,” he explained. “Best case scenario, this guy Omar’s bassist will get blackout drunk at the next show and I’ll be his fill-in — that would really solidify my place here for at least the next two weeks.”
At press time, Steinberg pierced one of his ears as a back-up plan in case the scene declares that painting your thumbnail metallic silver is the new “painting your thumbnail black” before the next show.