Disappointed Vegas Couple Reluctantly Gets Married by Elvis Costello Impersonator

LAS VEGAS — A soon-to-be wed pair of New Jersey tourists were crestfallen to discover the Elvis impersonator officiating their ceremony was actually one for Elvis Costello, sources confirmed while encouraging them to read the fine print next time.

“So much for the classic Vegas experience, I guess. I mean, not to be a ‘bridezilla’ or anything but you come here for the King, not the Imposter! You don’t go to the North Pole to see the Easter Bunny!” said Natalia Lunden-Hermes, who admittedly looked glowing in her dress. “Couldn’t we have at least gotten the young, herky-jerky, punky Costello? This guy’s like the subdued, current one who wears a pork-pie hat and appears with Burt Bacharach in Austin Powers. Ooo, wait, where’s my new husband, maybe it’s not too late to get an Austin Powers impersonator instead.”

Ignacio Hermes, the new husband, remained unaware of the true mix-up until well into the vows.

“I’m gonna be straight with you: I thought he was a Buddy Holly impersonator for the first 10 minutes of the ceremony, dude. So I was like, hey it may not be Elvis Presley, but at least it’s still a deceased ‘50s rocker, y’know?” said Hermes, with a shrug. “But, when I found out it was supposed to be Elvis Costello, I was all sorts of mixed up. I mean, are you even allowed to be married by a British guy here in the States, and have it ‘take’? This is my future I have to think of here. Oh well, welcome to the working week…Ah damn it, now he’s got me doing it.”

Professional Costello impersonator Declan Patrick MacManus was just as frustrated as the couple in question.

“I’m the real Elvis Costello, you bloomin’ twits! It’s a stage name! What’s all this, you don’t know a proper legendary musician when you feckin’ see one? They oughta be telling their grandkids about this for years to come!” said Costello, as his glasses steamed up with rage. “Ah, I suppose I shouldn’t be too rough on the ol’ newlyweds. Could just be prenuptial jitters. And, after all, a great man once said ‘accidents will happen.’ In fact, he sung it. And quite beautifully at that, blimey.”

At press time, with flagrant disregard for the Lorne Michaels impersonator standing nearby’s wishes, Costello interrupted the couple’s vows to launch into a blistering rendition of “Radio, Radio.”