Steve Packosky
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FRESNO, Calif. — You expressed confusion over the band Manowar’s inability to get your girlfriend in the mood for sexual…
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Steve Packosky
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CHICAGO — Pregnant woman Janice Bonder found herself second-guessing her decision to bring new life into a world where popular…
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Steve Packosky
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CASPER, Wyo. — Municipal Waste fan Dylan Medina was shocked and disgusted after remembering that he drank responsibly at local…
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Steve Packosky
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MARSHALL, Minn. — Slovenly and unkempt metalhead Freddy Clark somehow sported the most beautiful head of hair you’d ever encountered,…
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Audrey Vieira
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ATLANTA — New data from DraftKings indicates mathcore band The Callous Daoboys are an unlikely favorite to make it to…
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Steve Packosky
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TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Nu-metal band Deranged found themselves the pariah of their local scene for failing to misspell their band…
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Steve Packosky
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BIRMINGHAM, England — A large number of the attendees of Black Sabbath’s upcoming reunion show at Villa Park announced their…
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Tyler Roland
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LOS ANGELES — Progressive metal band Tool recently announced the “Lateralus Gold” experience, which involves fans paying $10,000 to massage…
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Steve Packosky
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ANAHEIM, Calif. — Recently deceased grandmother of six Dorothy Roddenbury selfishly had a funeral on the same day Anthrax was…
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Laurie Bolewitz
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RICHMOND, Va. — Metal band GWAR’s newest lead vocalist was announced via a giant white steam cloud of creamy ejaculate…
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