Ahead of Australia’s ban on children under 16 holding social media accounts, the country has seen a sharp increase in 17-year-olds, sources confirm.
“I feel bad for kids who aren’t allowed to scroll through TikTok, I truly do, but I feel fortunate that I already turned 16 last year,” said one unnamed Melbourne boy before his basketball game against the West Street Middle School Thunder. “Even YouTube is on the list, which seems crazy. But the good news is that I can still use it and share the video of my game with my Nana and Papa.”
The ban includes other major social media platforms like X, Snapchat, Kick, Reddit, Facebook, and more. But fewer children should be affected than initially thought, as millions of Australian youth surprisingly turned 16 and 17 this year.
“I think the ban is a good thing,” opined another anonymous teen, born January 1, 2008. “I’ve stayed away from social media, and I think it’s really helped me focus on my Bat Mitzvah this weekend. Oh, uh, it got delayed. Cause of Covid!”
Government officials from around Australia are concerned that the influx of millions of 17-year-olds will have a destabilizing effect on certain parts of society.
“We are about to see the number of licensed drivers skyrocket, which will have knock-on effects of increased pollution and traffic accidents, to name a few,” explained John Graham, New South Wales’ Minister for Transport. “And my colleagues are worried about our country’s universities getting overwhelmed when all of these older teens enroll en masse.”
While the sudden influx of 17-year-olds is perplexing, the Australian Health Minister warned that the country may be facing much larger concerns than transportation.
“Has anyone noticed how young these 17-year-olds are? Most of them haven’t hit puberty! We need to make sure these teens are getting enough Vegemite!”
