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You’re Not Accepting Patients? Say No More, That Was the Excuse I Need to Not See a Doctor for Another Ten Years

Hello, I’m calling for Dr. Preston Cornthwaite. Yes, my friend Steve referred me. I wanted to make an appointment. I’m sorry, can you say that again? Oh, he’s fully booked and you’re not accepting new patients at this time? Well, it’s been wonderful talking to you and I hope you have a nice day. I’m going to hang up now and not seek medical guidance for another decade.

What did you say? You actually have some availability with another doctor in the office. What is this doctor’s name exactly? Sure, that sounds wonderful, but it probably makes sense for me to look up this Dr. Gramble, read some reviews, and get back to you on that. I don’t want to rush into anything when it comes to the healthcare I’ve routinely avoided.

No, really, I don’t think there is any harm in taking a little bit of time to do my own research. Honestly, the lump isn’t even that big. If I wear a turtleneck, I’d say it looks way more like a golf ball than a tennis ball. It took at least five years to get to this size. How bad could another month or six be?

So now you’re insisting that I come in? I mean, when we first spoke a few moments ago, you said you aren’t even taking any new patients. Oh, Dr. Cornthwaite is retiring? And you’re saying my friend Steve actually sees Dr. Gramble now? And loves him? No, no, I don’t need you to read glowing ZocDoc reviews over the phone. I guess this guy sounds alright. Um, one second.

Oh! You know, it just occurred to me. I don’t even know if you accept my insurance. Are you sure this isn’t out of network? You know how expensive that can be. Well, yes, I do use Blue Cross Blue Shield. But how do you know you accept my plan? Oh, you accept all plans.

So how about this? I’ve got your number. I’m going to give this a little think and ponder it a bit. When I’m ready, maybe I’ll give you a call back with my insurance number and we can book a time then. It’s been a pleasure. Have a lovely rest of your year!