Hey, losers! Thanks for checking out my stuff. As you know, I’ve been preparing to launch my new album/channel/swimwear/lifestyle brand for the past decade now, but now that I made a TikTok account I’ve finally arrived. As a thank you to my loyal followers, I’m letting you all in on some of the tips and secrets I picked up on my journey. Mainly that you shouldn’t try to become an influencer. Not me, though. My success is just around the corner!
You will almost certainly not achieve the success you think you will
This is gonna be a particularly tough pill for you to swallow. Whereas for me, I’m one of the extremely talented and lucky few who will achieve the wild success for which I know I am destined.
You will be happier long-term if you just do it as a hobby
Stretching a hobby you love into a career only works for the most talented and dedicated. Spend time with your family. I, however, will be happier doing it as a career because I will achieve amounts of success, money, and power the likes of which the world has never seen.
If it was going to happen at this point, it would have already happened
Definitely true for you. For me though, it’s probably just taking a little extra time for whatever reason. Did you know Samuel L. Jackson wasn’t famous until his forties? So were like three other people. And soon, me!
Just accept that you have failed and move on with your life, seriously, you’re bumming everyone out
Sorry to get so serious but someone had to say it. Okay, you go enjoy your regular middle-of-the-road life. I have to start posting if I’m gonna land sponsors and make millions of dollars so I can begin paying back my enormous student loan debt.