It’s difficult to go to YouTube or Instagram and not be bombarded with stunning women absolutely shredding math-rock riffs or neoclassical leads on sick Stratocasters. As a modern-day gentleman, you may feel the compulsion to share your thoughts on the performance with some variation on, “Wow such a talented AND beautiful lady! Wife material, right there!” Here’s how to stop fucking doing that.
Here is The Hard Times’ guide to not commenting like a deranged incel on women guitarists’ social media:
Sit on your hands
When you get the urge to begin typing your first uncomfortable compliment, remember that you are never going to meet this woman. Nothing you say will benefit you in any way whatsoever. So just sit on your hands until the urge passes. Click the Like button if you absolutely must engage.
Direct your energies elsewhere
If you really cannot stave off the urge to comment, open a new tab, type in www.thegearpage.net, and start a thread about how there is no audible difference between EL34 and 6L6 amplifier tubes. You’ll quickly replace your creep urges with nerdy aggression, which is substantially better for everyone involved.
Attempt to see her as a living, feeling human being
If you’re in need of this guide then this will likely be your hardest step, but I implore you to try anyway. These guitarists don’t practice for thousands of hours just so random chuds will compliment their boobs and thighs. They want to share their art and talent with the world. Please recognize that their music is the only thing that is directed at you.
Delete your accounts
If you’ve made it this far and still find yourself commenting things like, “Wow I wish I could be that guitar’s neck,” it’s time to quit cold turkey. Delete your accounts. Destroy your laptop. In fact, go work on an oil rig with no internet. Practice your own guitar. Anything. Just stop commenting.