Sapiosexual is one of those words that has lost all meaning due to overuse. I think that’s because the concept of being sexually attracted to high intelligence is so easy to make fun of. I mean, who’s really like that? Well, I may have just found the only truly sapiosexual man on the planet. And, believe it or not, I found him right here in my backyard, which also happens to be a Southern California community college campus.
Just watch as he goes through his daily routine. He starts with a refined breakfast of croissants and iced coffee from the campus Starbucks, where he lingers to talk to the barista but never tips. This show of European gourmand and good economic sense is followed by a trip to the library. (The library is accessible through the Starbucks, which is good, because he doesn’t have a student ID.)
Then, he takes his seat in a study pod (which he didn’t reserve ahead of time because, again, he isn’t a student) cleverly situated between the charging stations and the women’s restroom. This location is actually a great example of his intellect at work. If it were me, I’d go straight to the archives floor to find fellow misunderstood geniuses. But he knows to lurk in places all women have to go to, and is just so intuitive that he can tell which ones are smart.
Lately, I’ve noticed he’s been moving from one study pod to the next in the row each day. I think he’s sidling up to the corner study room where the mathletes meet. I hear them sometimes, too, but I could never approach them myself. I’d be too intimidated by their intellect. Plus, it just weirds me out that they’re an all-female team of previously homeschooled 17-year-olds.
Our guy would never let those things stand in his way, though. Cool and confident, he’s just too sure-sighted to abandon his pursuit of the only women in the area for whom the Pythagorean theorem is still fresh knowledge.
Watch how he scrolls Tinder while he waits, swiping left on any woman over the age of 23. A true sapiosexual, he just can’t find a lasting intellectual bond with someone who isn’t still in school. He disregards women with advanced degrees, too — those women are obviously too indoctrinated. He’s looking for that perfect balance of smart and open-minded to “everything I say is correct.”
Oh, look! He’s gathered up the library book on quantum physics along with his own book titled “The Official Rick and Morty Guide to Quantum Physics.” He’s approaching the mathletes.
Let’s hope these girls are on his intellectual level, and not savages who will mace him like those brutes from the all-girl chess club did last week!