You should never judge a book by its cover. That said, you should always judge a person by how they cover their head. Usually, a haircut tells you everything you need to know about a person. Do they have a mohawk? Then they are clearly into punk rock. Or they’re Native American. Or they’re Travis Bickle. Do they have a faux hawk? Then they work in finance and they love the movie “Out Cold.”
So when we were recently alerted to a particularly unique case of mismatched hairstyle to personality, we jumped at the opportunity to blow one stereotype out of the water. A woman whose hair closely resembles Yolandi Visser from Die Antwoord is, shockingly, not an anarchic performance artist or radical bookstore owner, but rather a Republican campaign coordinator.
Irene Cordoba’s hair is bleached vibrant white and has incredibly blunt bangs in the front, yet flows in the back like a mullet in the Appalachians.
“A lot of people see my hair and think ‘She knows her way around an espresso machine,’ but nope! I know my way around the geopolitical defense machine much better,” said Irene, who has worked for Congressional Republicans like Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, and Lauren Boebert. “Just because I have an aggressively confrontational hairdo doesn’t mean I can’t believe in the benefits of small government and hyper-individualism.”
Neighbors first noticed the discrepancy between appearance and virtues when they saw the Wall Street Journal being delivered to Cordoba’s apartment. But Irene’s surprising proclivities aren’t limited to just her career or political beliefs.
“One of my favorite bands of all time is Rage Against the Machine. But just the instrumentation. I wish they’d just shut up and play,” admitted Cordoba. “Also, I’m a big Noam Chomsky fan, but just because he’s super hot. I think all his ideas are moronic.”
Irene also reportedly has an “ACAB” tattoo on her right shoulder blade. But unlike the popular acronym for “All Cops Are Bastards,” she states that her acronym stands for “All Conservatives Are Beautiful.”