We survivor types are a special breed. We have weathered the storm and come out the other side stronger. I extend my understanding and unconditional empathy to any and all who have suffered at the hands of my ex-girlfriend, Janet, who thinks she’s just WAY too good for a decent guy like myself. Which is typical of someone who clearly has narcissistic tendencies….I mean, unless you think maybe we could work things out?
Not that I care. I’m clearly better off without you anyway. But as a survivor, I try and focus on the positives of a situation like this. It’s probably good for both of us that I have become such an expert in diagnosing mental health conditions in women through minutes of studious internet research, and several drunken crying sessions with my boys, Jim and Trevor. They both agree your cold and calculated behaviors towards me are “total psycho bitch” material.
Like that time you decided your Mom’s hospital “emergency” was apparently more important than the rap battle I had been spending all week preparing for. You have TWO parents. There’s only one of me.
She totally lived, by the way.
Then of course, there was the time you totally chose to break off our relationship and move on, when I didn’t want that. Textbook traits of a malignant narcissist. I’ve read all about it in the DMX-5 medical journal.
I can definitely do better.
Though, again, if you’re reading this, Janet, maybe we could get together and talk about things, sweetie? I mean, it’s probably good for my research on your condition, is all. And I’m concerned about your wellbeing. Maybe we could even get you help at this Mayonnaise Clinic I’ve been researching.
If we set things right, I would even be willing to release a public retraction in response to my daily Facebook posts comparing you to famous narcissist types such as Karla Homolka, Vlad the Impaler, and that mean “Annabel” doll. I’d even be willing to bump you up a few notches to borderline, or even just bipolar.
Anyway, I care about you, Janet, and only want the best for you. Let me help you help yourself…or (in the event that you don’t respond to this): good! I’m glad you’re finally leaving me alone. Move on! Find someone else’s life to destroy! Christ, I mean it’s been since 1997 anyway.
