This holiday used to mean something in this country. It meant the joy on your children’s faces when they woke up to the Christmas present banquet. It meant gathering around the chestnut fire with your beloved family members to share in a merry eggnog shot. And it meant remembering that even on the darkest, coldest days of our year, it’s important to be kind and loving to all of God’s children.
Unless it’s one of those disgusting street goblins who keep bothering me outside of the good Panera. It’s the good Panera because you’re not there, you knobby-toothed disgraces!
I don’t mean to sound insensitive. I have full respect for the monetarily unempowered. But there are only three higher powers I respect in this world – the father, the son, and the… holy shit is the gross-looking marine veteran on crutches looking directly at me! Roll the windows up. Roll the windows up!
Anyway, back to Jesus. The Christ child is an important influence in both my life and my unwilling family’s life. But if he were alive today, he never would have approved of all of this rampant “wokeness” and “general acceptance of all people regardless of background or situation.
Look, if Christ wanted us to be “tolerant” like those Socialists in the unbiased press like to say, then he would have written it down — likely in some large book that we all have access to in literally every motel room.
But this season is supposed to be about being with people. Particularly, people whom I don’t need to throw a can of exploding wet wipes at before running away. And Jesus, he would have understood that.
Sure, he was the man who overturned the moneylenders’ tables. He created a feast from famine by sharing fish and bread. He never even owned a proper pair of shoes, which must have been murder on his arch support.
But in my heart or hearts, built by the the parts of the bible I like and Tucker Carlson, I just know that giving that clearly anemic baby and her mother the finger rather than the $400 in cash I have on me is exactly what our father, son and… holy shit I was so distracted giving them the finger I crashed into a telephone pole. But at least it was a Christmas telephone pole! Like Our Lord Christ intended.
