When you think of the architects of the current global far-right movement, the first three people to come to mind are probably Deuce Bigelow, the “You can do it!” guy, and the “Making copies” guy. Then you remember that all three are one man, comedic mastermind Rob Schneider, and you think to yourself, “God, what range!” But with the recent defeat of Schneider-endorsed Viktor Orbán for Hungarian Prime Minister, it might be time to ask the unthinkable question: Is Rob Schneider’s geopolitical influence finally waning?
This isn’t the first time The Hot Chick has failed to give the global march toward fascism some extra yards. Here are 5 authoritarians the legendary Happy Madison third-stringer has tried and failed to keep in power:
Viktor Orbán
Let’s start with “you like-a de Juices?”’s most recent big L, longtime Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán. Schneider appeared in a campaign video for Orbán, endorsing the incumbent for his crusades against freedom of the press, education, and the arts.
Orbán’s tenure was seen as something of a cornerstone of the modern far-right authoritarian movement, the man who crawled so Trump and Putin could fly drones, so to speak. His defeat is viewed by some as a major sign that the global far-right movement is beginning to crumble. What the hell, Rob?! We’re talking about the perceived might of fascism on a global scale here, not some cameo in Pups Alone, you need to show the fuck up on this one!
Boris Johnson
Everyone knows “The Office” was originally a BBC show, but did you know that Britain once tried their own version of Donald Trump? While far more derpy than his counterpart across the pond, Johnson tried his best to run Britain the way Trump would have, right down to massively mishandling the COVID-19 pandemic. Johnson had to step down over controversies related to throwing parties during a nationwide ban on large gatherings, despite his many pleas of “You don’t understand… Rob Schneider was there!”
Marine Le Pen
Rob is no fan of women, but when he heard she called muslim prayer on French soil a form of “foreign occupation,” he decided Marine Le Pen was one of the boys and endorsed her bid for President of France in 2022. She lost. What the hell, Richmeister?!
Slobodan Milošević
Milošević’s downfall began with the loss of an election he himself called to be held early. Why would he compromise his stranglehold on the Serbian parliament in such a way? Because he thought he had it the bag, thanks to a campaign endorsement video from The Animal himself! After back-to-back slam dunks with Judge Dread and Down Periscope, Milošević figured Schneider’s support made him politically invincible. Somehow, he figured wrong.
Benito Mussolini
A lot of people contest this one. It was made about a month ago, many years after Mussolini died, and Scheider was not in the most coherent state at the time. He was struggling to stay awake on stage at the Des Moines Funnybone, stumbling and staggering until his contractually obliged time was up, and it was pretty hard to tell what he was saying to begin with, but I swear at one point he said “Mussolini, get that guy in there!” and I think that should count.
