Look, I totally understand that once I release my music, it’s subject to scrutiny. But before you pass judgment, just know that my songs have already survived the toughest of gauntlets… me. Nobody is more critical of me than me, and because I also happen to be an authority on good music, my opinion has transformed from subjective to objective. So now, I can objectively say that I might just be the best goddamn musician this world has ever known.
I know what you’re thinking… Every musician thinks that their music is the best music. And you’re right. It’s sad. Think about it. There can only be one “best,” so how can thousands of losers think they’re even close to approaching peak greatness? Every time I hear some idiot’s new song, I think, “Well, that definitely needs more time in the oven.” There might be a good riff or a decent lyric, but they clearly didn’t master composition like me. If they’re seriously okay with releasing a rough draft, then they shouldn’t be “composing” music in the first place.
And I’m not just some judgmental jerk who craps on everyone else’s work. I also hold myself to music’s overall standard of greatness. I just happen to be killing it. What can I say? I cracked the code on what makes a great song, then I checked all the boxes. It wasn’t easy. If it was easy, any tool could do it. It took me two whole weeks of constant rewrites, tone auditions, and painstaking tweaks in Pro Tools till I was finally ready to release a new song.
After that grueling fortnight of damaging self-talk from my practically demonic inner critic, my confidence definitely took a hit. I’m a lot more humble these days. But after giving the new song another spin, I think it was all totally worth it.
Don’t let its lack of streams fool you. We all know that the best music isn’t appreciated until years after the artist dies. And the algorithm just favors people who pump out content. It’s all a numbers game. Everyone else can crap out those half-cooked collections of words and notes they call songs to get their dopamine fixes, but I’ve been toiling away, achieving perfection. So there you have it. Knowing what you know now, if you listen to my new song and have the slightest bit of judgment, I can objectively say that you clearly just don’t know what good music even is!