I’m a dedicated father, husband, son, and, thank my lucky stars, I’m even still a grandson! Boy howdy, I love each and every member of my family for the unique person they are and the experiences we’ve shared. Yup, I plain ol’ love my family more than just about anything on God’s green Earth.
But if we’re driving down the road and I see a sit-down Pizza Hut, I am careening this station wagon through the wall of that building like an Italian Kool-Aid man and I don’t care how many “My Child is an Honor Student” bumper stickers (or honor students for that matter) we lose as a result.
Nothing in life will ever come close to the joy I feel while nestled snug in the booth of a dine-in Pizza Hut.
I love my family. I do! It’s just, when’s the last time you went to a sit-down Pizza Hut? Aw heck, you probably don’t even know. That means you have a hole in your chest, fella. Sure, you may try to fill that hole with a happy and loving family. But that’s fool’s gold, buddy. You’re gonna wanna fill it with a personal pan pizza served to you in your own personal pan. And that experience can only occur at a sit-down Pizza Hut.
You might think that I’m wrong here but I can’t be alone. Pizza Hut is not only meant to be served in a booth, but doing so brings a joy that no other experience can even touch. Especially not some forgettable experience like a family trip or a birth.
You might also think I’m just nostalgic for a different time in my life. Nostalgia? I feel nostalgic for Pepsi Blue. The feeling of the Pizza Hut lady putting a sticker on my button for READING and sitting down for a personal pan pizza that I earned fills me with a passion so strong, it dwarfs minor emotional moments like when I held my father’s hands and looked him in the eyes before making the decision to take him off life support.
Sit-down Pizza Hut offers solace in a world where there simply is none.
When my wife had the first miscarriage, we bonded through pain and love, but if I’m being honest, I have a much stronger bond with those red plastic cups with that vaguely bumpy texture to them.
Sit-down Pizza Hut’s are a relic of a lost time and we must cherish those that are still with us. And if my wife ever comes back I’ll be sure to finally take her to one.
This article is satirical. The Hard Times is a punk/hardcore satire site. All content should be considered parody and entertainment purposes only.
