Press "Enter" to skip to content
Pre-order the new Hard Times book for a chance to win!

I Used to Suffer From Depression but Now I’m Fuckin’ Awesome at It

Depression can be a difficult and isolating illness but I’m here to tell you that it gets better. I used to suffer from depression but after a lot of hard work and personal growth… well, I still have depression but now I’m fuckin’ awesome at it.

I’m seriously so good at depression now. The key is making it work for you. I used to hate that my dejected mood prevented me from attending social events. Now I proactively use it as an excuse to bail on social events. I’d love to go to your baby shower Linda, if it wasn’t for this damned diagnosis.

My friend described the perfect day as sitting on the couch mindlessly watching Netflix, eating empty calories, and drinking glass after glass of wine. That’s the perfect day? That’s my every day! I must be killing it.

In fact, culture and technology are actually trending in the right direction for depressed people. Not only is it acceptable to order food directly to your house, preventing any social interaction with the outside world, but we’re also actively encouraged to order online instead of over the phone! You’re telling me that the world prefers that I not even speak with anyone? Well that’s just fantastic. That actually eliminates half the fights me and my boyfriend get into since he’s too depressed to talk to them either.

The key is to be proactive. The old me would just lie around. The new me sets aside time to just lie around. My wheelchair-bound friend once told me that he’s not handicapped, he’s handi-capable. In that case, I put the ill in mental illness. It’s all a matter of perspective.

In my darkest days, I wouldn’t leave the apartment or open the blinds, I was a complete shut-in. I still am, but now I have a Netflix subscription so I can binge The Good Place. Am I still watching? Hell yeah I am buddy. I’m no quitter.

Want to support Hard Times? Buy a shirt. We’ll use the money to write more articles.