Have you all lost your fucking minds?
There is ANOTHER Beatles documentary debuting this Autumn and a shit load of you are going to watch it. That’s going to bring the total of dedicated documentaries about the Beatles to thirty-four.
That’s right, you braindead psychos, thirty fucking four fucking documentaries about one band! Of course, they’re legends. That’s well established. But my GOD, what the fuck more can you possibly need to know about them? Do you need to exhume John’s corpse next, or fully remastered audio recordings of Ringo taking a shit?!
“But did you know that George was the first Beatle to visit the US!?” Yes, asshole, because I’ve been force-fed Beatles facts my entire fucking life.
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but you do realize there are other bands, right? It’s true! There’s a dizzying array of millions upon millions of other brilliant, immensely talented musicians that you could spend your time learning about instead of wondering what kind of underwear Paul was wearing when they recorded ‘Rocky Raccoon’. You could check out the discography of, get this, another band that you haven’t listened to! You could even go see a local band that’s just getting its start! If it helps, you thumb suckers, you could imagine that they just might even be the next Beatles.
I realize that this is going to be a hot take, possibly too hot for some of you to safely ingest. But there are literally different bands that are just as good if not better than the Beatles, and just about all of them include black musicians whose work and legacy could benefit from the exploratory light of day even once, and not for the THIRTY FOURTH FUCKING TIME.
I’m almost hesitant to persist with the onslaught of name-calling that I’ve given in to on my tirade because if you are genuinely excited about yet another Beatles documentary, I think you need help. So, I’ll end with this: the next time that you catch yourself being excited about another studio producing a shameless, retrospective porn cash grab, just breathe, and reframe. Say to yourself: I do not need another Beatles documentary. What I need is to support new, living musicians, and actually pay for their goddamn music. And no, Spotify streams don’t count as support.
