Word around town is there’s an alleged shortage of at-home COVID tests. But if that were the case, how was I single-handedly able to buy up every pharmacy’s stock within a 100-mile radius of my house the minute they were made available to the general public? Something isn’t adding up.
Here I am, shuffling around my home knee-deep in an Amazon warehouse’s worth of rapid tests, and all I’m hearing on the news are so-called “crisis level” stock deficiencies. How is that even possible if some of us have more kits than we can realistically use in one lifetime? Seriously, read the room.
Yesterday I had to use up a whole bunch of my stash before they were set to expire. Thankfully, I tested negative all 135 times. And to think some people haven’t even tested themselves once this morning. Just plain selfish.
I guess that’s the media for you. Always fabricating controversy to scare us into doom-buying the latest trendy products. It’s gotta be bullshit, right? Otherwise, would I be on the phone with Public Storage as we speak asking how many at-home COVID tests I could hypothetically fit into a 5’x10’ unit if push came to shove? I don’t think so.
If there were a real shortage I wouldn’t be forced to resell a handful of my personal inventory for as little as nine or ten times the original price just to make room in my kitchen.
See this closet over here? That’s where I store my extra N95 masks. All 400,000 of them. We have no idea how long the pandemic is going to last and I need to be prepared in case the media fabricates yet another pandemic-related shortage. In fact, we all should. It’s called being responsible. Wait, what’s that about an N95 shortage?