Look, I’m desperate and I don’t care how embarrassing this is anymore. This year I decided to participate in the No Nut November internet challenge. I thought it was for charity or something and by the time I found out it was some alt-right bullshit I was more than halfway through so I stuck with it anyway. Well, it turns out not everything is like riding a bike.
It was November 30th, and I was all set to start Destroy Dick December at the stroke of midnight. The clock bells rang, I unzipped my pants, and in a moment of intense panic realized in 30 days time, I completely forgot how to nut!
Okay make fun of me all you want, fine, but for the love of God HELP!
I’m really starting to freak out here, man. What if I never nut again? I tried playing one of those video games that promise you won’t be able to play it for two minutes without busting and I beat the fucking thing without a single nut! Now I’m just a guy who doesn’t know how to nut who’s really horny from sex games, which is worse!
I swear I’ve tried everything, I even went to the library! An entire building full of books and would you believe they did not have a single text dedicated to nutting. Four copies of “Windows 98 for Dummies” and not a single book that shows you how to bust a nut? Hey library, my thing is a little more important than navigating the CTRL + ALT + DELETE menu!
I even asked the lady behind the desk for help and now I’m not even allowed at that library anymore! Apparently, I’m not the first “weirdo” to ask her for help with that and they have some zero tolerance policy. I’m just looking for information!
I’m already beginning to forget small details of what busting is like. I remember I used to do it a lot. I remember that bustin’ makes me feel good. Or did I just hear that in a song? I’m so confused!