Doesn’t it feel great to finally have someone with some balls in the White House? The American public should feel honored to be represented by such a salt of the Earth bastion of the working class who doesn’t stand for the bullshit our past presidents putzed around with, like “not engaging in executive overreach”, “comporting oneself with even the barest modicum of human decency”, or “adhering to the War Powers Resolution”. Fuck all that noise. Check out these five heads of state who actually went through Congress before attacking another nation. Fucking dweebs!
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
This lily-livered little milquetoast formally requested a declaration of war from Congress the day after Pearl Harbor, and went through the whole rigmarole of signing it only after it had passed both the Senate and the House. What a pussy! You bet your ass we wouldn’t have to worry about that today. Our president would’ve likely already bombed Japan to distract his followers from the fact that he’s a pedophile, as the Good Lord intended.
- Woodrow Wilson
Nerd alert! This doctorate-having Poindexter sought two separate declarations of war from Congress against both Germany and Austria-Hungary. Christ, Woodrow! Didn’t you know that you could’ve just sent General Pershing over there to fuck shit up whenever you goddamn well pleased? Why’d you have to be such a little bitch about it?
- George W. Bush
While we certainly applaud Bush’s decision to attack a Middle Eastern country for no fucking reason, we can’t help but look down upon his waiting for Congress to approve the Iraq Resolution before doing so. Looks like he wasn’t the alpha male we all took him for. What a shame.
- James Madison
We don’t know or care what the fuck the War of 1812 was about, but we’re all for teaching those tea-guzzling weaklings across the pond a lesson or two. Fuck those accents. James Madison apparently agreed, but he saw it fitting to go through Congress first for whatever reason. What a weenie.
- Donald Trump
Just kidding! You think this total Chad gave a shit what the House and Senate thought about invading Iran? Hell no! He had his thousands of mentions in the Epstein files to steer the public’s thoughts from, and having his cronies at Fox News obsessively rant against trans athletes just wasn’t cutting the mustard. Rock on, President Trump! You’re doing a bang-up job needlessly murdering people and driving up the cost of everything just because you felt like it, and we’re so proud of you!
