Awww yeah, time to get busy. From choosing the most appropriate scented candle (Cinnamon Caramel Swirl) to making sure I have the perfect amount of lighting in the bedroom, I take my lovemaking seriously. Of course, this means curating the music to ensure it perfectly coincides with every kiss, caress, and pelvic thrust I plan on making. As such, here are five songs on my sex playlist that’ll have you saying, “Isn’t this just Cheap Trick’s Greatest Hits?”
- Hot Love
“I’ve definitely heard this before,” you’ll say shortly after I hit the Play button on my iHome and begin to slowly untie the clasps on my blue velvet robe. “I think this song was on the CD my dad used to play in his 1990 GMC Sierra 1500 while he drove the whole family to Ponderosa. Why are you playing this?”
- Hello There
“Wow, this song sounds exactly like the last one,” you’ll comment as I stride seductively toward you to begin our passionate coupling. Of course, any reservations you have about my choice of music will go out the window as my powerful kisses make your knees buckle. Thankfully, my Dragon Ball Z-themed bean bag chair is on the floor, should you lose your balance.
- High Roller
“Yeah, this is definitely Cheap Trick’s Greatest Hits,” you’ll confirm as my strong yet gentle arms guide you to my unmade bed, effortlessly sliding the polyester sheets and half-empty bag of Sea Salt & Vinegar Miss Vickie’s chips out of the way. “I think the cover was all of them sitting on motorcycles and glaring at the camera. These songs used to drive me crazy. Can you put on something else?”
- Dream Police
“I hate this. Honestly, if you don’t put on something else I’m going to leave,” you’ll complain as Robin Zander incessantly croons this song’s chorus over and over again, only to watch me huff indignantly as I roll off of you and sit at the edge of the bed, arms folded stubbornly while I insist that my beloved playlist stays on.
- Way of the World
“Alright, I guess you really didn’t want to get laid,” you’ll holler over your shoulder as you storm out of my studio apartment while I continue to sit on my bed listening to these catchy, keyboard-backed riffs, which is a huge shame, because you definitely wouldn’t have been able to resist if we’d made it all the way to “Can’t Stop Falling Into Love”. Maybe next time.
