Well New York City, you’ve had a good run, but it’s clearly over. The “people” (liberals) have spoken, and Zohran Mamdani will soon be sworn in as mayor. Like any proud NYC conservative male, I’m jumping ship before the communist scourge of affordable housing and free public transportation turns this place into a Mad Max warzone. It pains me to say goodbye to the city I once loved, but I’m sailing on to greener pastures, to a place that lines up with my beliefs and my ideals, a place where people get it. I have decided to relocate to the Riyadh Comedy Festival in Saudi Arabia.
I look around this place, and what do I see? People struggling. People with diseases and mental illness in desperate need of help and resources. Single mothers not sure where their children’s next meal will come from. I see this, and I am horrified, knowing that these disenfranchised souls might soon get a leg up, which I consider a huge personal threat.
Then I look at the Riyadh comedy festival. Wow. Talk about my scene. People who are already enormously rich getting paid obscene amounts of money just for telling it like it is? Provided that “telling it like it is” doesn’t criticize the state in any way, which is only fair? Sign me the hell up! It’s not like you’re allowed to say anything anymore in this country anyway! Just look at what happened to our own President when he called Jews voting for Mandami “stupid.” People said he was mean and wrong! That’s basically fascism.
I don’t know a ton about Saudi Arabia, but what I do know is that they respect the time-honored traditions of haves and have-nots. As a lifelong have, that works for me, dawg! Some of them even have slaves over there! Meanwhile, I’m over here being pressured to tip my Uber driver by a really intimidating screen. Well, enjoy your tyranny, New Yorkers, I’ll be yucking it up with Chappelle and Burr over on the golden shore of freedom that is the Riyadh Comedy Festival.
I just hope they don’t have any muslims in Saudi Arabia.
