The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the most popular movie franchise in the world, but that doesn’t mean the people in charge of it don’t have shit for brains. Kevin Feige could really turn the MCU into a success, if he would just respond to some brilliant Tweets and not send so-called “restraining orders.” Here are five hot takes on the MCU that will make the judge remind you firmly that this is a child custody hearing and not the place for pop culture observations!
Hot Take! Captain America needs to come back, but this time have the right opinions. Illegal immigration, voter fraud, judges trying to force men to share part-time custody against their will: All are un-American, and Cap should know it!
Sorry, your honor.
Hot Take! Kang should not be black, but Immortus should be. This isn’t a race thing. But everyone knows that as the descendent of either the Fantastic Four’s Reed Richards or “Doctor” Victor Von Doom, the time-traveling conqueror known as Kang should be white, otherwise Stan Lee will be spinning in his grave. But who knows what the rigors of excessive time travel could do, with the future version of Kang known as Immortus perhaps-
Oh man, what did her attorney just say? Fuck, every other weekend is my Me Time!
Hot Take! The Age of Ultron is the best MCU movie, despite what those dumbass, worthless kids say.
They don’t know fucking shit about the feature film work of the good and honorable Joss Whedon, your honor.
Hot Take! Thanos was right about his outfit choices. C’mon, your honor! Purple and gold are regal colors and appropriate for a #manking like the Mad Titan! Also, the children of Thanos weren’t even biologically his, and now that I think about it, maybe a DNA test is in order before you mandate any kind of parental support.
Hot Take! Superman needs to finally show up. Where was the Last Son of Krypton during the Snap? Or during the Sokovia Accords, which that terrible, woman-centered She-Hulk show reversed for no reason.
Your honor, I just want to say that it is clear that a man like myself has no business watching my own or any children. Just wait till you hear my opinions on the new Lord of the Rings show.
Seriously, I have some notes.