Fall is easily one of the best seasons of the year. Top three, for sure. However, if you’re like us and you observe the month-long religious holiday of Sober October, the hardest part of autumn is that span of 31 consecutive days where you’re not allowed to get hammered. It can be a real struggle especially when you’ve fallen off the wagon several times this month already. Obviously, we can’t do this alone. So let’s get some help from a bunch of drugs that will get you through the remaining days of Sober October.
Weed – For a quick detox, consider replacing alcohol with smoking marijuana. This will absolutely help you kick your immediate dependence on alcohol while giving you something to work towards next month during “no-weed November.”
DMT – One time my roommate put on an episode of Joe Rogan’s podcast in the background, so naturally, we now have an encyclopedic knowledge of this drug. The hallucinations can be pretty scary though. One bad trip could turn you into a guy who repeats advice they got from the Joe Rogan podcast. Terrifying.
Steroids – If you’re going to have alcohol withdrawals, you might as well be shredded too, right? Sure, my anger levels are through the roof and my testicles have completely disappeared, but I can probably hit home runs now and I’m gonna make it to the end of the month with my body chemistry entirely pure from alcohol.
Ivermectin – Ok, hear me out. This dewormer popularized by horses did nothing for my COVID symptoms, and in fact probably made it worse, but the violent diarrhea and borderline liver failure sure took my mind off of booze for a while. Unfortunately, the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know about these amazing benefits.
Hard Seltzer – Don’t let the name fool you, this seltzer is hardcore. I think they infuse it with CBD because it gets you high in a way where you feel drunk. Anyway, I highly recommend picking up a 12-pack of Bud Light Seltzer to help propel you through the rest of this month. Together, and with the help of lots of drugs, we can beat alcohol.