CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Harvard University linguistics professor Anne Pierogi believes she is able to decipher the venerable folk singer’s garbled utterances, report sources who like…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Beer delivery driver Harrison Fleming thought he was close to making a new friend, bartender Theo Stills, but ultimately alienated Stills by…
SPARKS, Nev. — Local methamphetamine addict Chuck “Bucket” Kane was shocked to discover an invitation to tour a secretive drug lab in his bag of…
SAN FRANCISCO — The author of an upcoming biography of Elon Musk found evidence suggesting his obsession with the letter X is due to it…
MANCHESTER, England — Ex-Smiths bandmates Morrissey and Johnny Marr were spotted in close proximity of one another at the Oxford Road Tesco Express despite almost…
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Conservative metalhead Edgar Hardy insisted that the “woke” interpretation of what life was like as a Powerslave in ancient Egypt is…
ATLANTA — Georgia’s governor has signed a bill prohibiting the act of offering water to thirsty audience members queuing in long merch lines, bewildered legal…
GREELEY, Colo. — Local band Yellowcake Uranium issued a statement on their website’s message board hinting that they’re almost done with their “epic takedown of…
It’s natural to want to express your love for your favorite band, and you want to be comfy when traveling, so a well-worn, beloved band…
AUSTIN, Texas — Governor Greg Abbott deployed Texas National Guard troops to combat the rapidly spreading wildfires in the state’s Panhandle, according to his press…
ROHNERT PARK, Calif. — Homeowner Ben Founier admits he’s losing patience with fans who attempt to recreate Ceremony’s famous cover shot outside his house, according…
DALLAS — Cellular giant AT&T’s massive outage caused disruption to vital services and prevented customers from listening to their preferred podcasts and music during their…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Former president Donald Trump teased his top picks for vice president during a recent Mar-a-Lago fundraising event, according to gaudily-dressed sycophants…
NEW YORK — Muscle-bound Harm’s Way vocalist James Pligge scaled the Empire State Building and was seen attacking aircrafts that were sent to force him…
CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — Hannah and Jack Lungo experienced both anger and relief upon realizing they hadn’t been invited to their friends’ wedding, according to sources…