WASHINGTON — The Drug Enforcement Agency announced plans to reschedule marijuana from the strict Schedule I classification to the chiller Schedule III after experiencing a…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Employees at a local accounting firm are reportedly confounded by a recent hire who is simultaneously the worst co-worker they’ve ever had…
DURANGO, Colo. – Employees at a local insurance office were granted permission to arrive to work baked out of their goddamn gourds and reeking of…
Is Fred Durst a prophet speaking to our generation about the horrors of living during the decline of the American empire? Did Limp Bizkit presage…
Quick! Name a forty-year-old funky rock quartet known for on-stage nudity, a history of substance abuse, and dedicated fans who don’t mind that they’re still…
ATLANTA – The Love Shack, a beloved little old place where we can get together for decades made famous by the B-52’s song, was torn…
LOS ANGELES — Film director and Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst put an end to years of debate by issuing a statement clarifying that the…
TORONTO — A local fire truck en route to a fire reportedly honked and blared its siren despite there being no vehicles obstructing its path…
Oh boy, it’s a perfect day out. The weather is ideal for a nice walk with a loved one, for children to play outside, or…
Indie rock giants The Pixies have many classic songs about, well, we’re not sure. But what are their greatest anthems to Onanism? Those jams dedicated…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump once again stoked fear yesterday by warning U.S. citizens that “Antifa terrorists will hide voter fraud in your children’s Halloween…
SACRAMENTO — Local punk house staple and thought to be beloved cat GG Mewollin is actually an opossum, veterinary sources confirmed. “GG is a fucking…
Hey there, little guy. I’m your uncle, John, but everyone calls me Bonez. So… what colors you like? Nothing? Okay then, what’s your favorite Disney…
MILWAUKEE — A feral hair-metal band identifying itself as Twisted Sister broke into the home of and terrorized a local family yesterday, ultimately leaving the…
BETHESDA, Md. — President Donald Trump is recovering from COVID-19 symptoms and home from the hospital where he keeps asking doctors when he can have…