The Definitive Ranking of Tom Waits’ 5 Horcruxes October 23, 2018 Tom Waits was born in the back of a boxcar in 1890, the son of a feral dog and a… Read More →
I Accidentally Ran Over Tom Waits And Now I’m King Of The Rail Yard November 11, 2017 I was driving home from work like I normally do, past the creepy old rail yard, same as always. I… Read More →
Cards Against Humanity Shoves Magic: The Gathering Into Locker September 22, 2017 HIGHLAND PARK, Ill.— Highland Park High School was rocked today by an appalling act of violence when Cards Against Humanity… Read More →
Mutant League Football Player Under Investigation for Performance Enhancing Drugs August 27, 2017 EL PASO, Tex. — The world of professional Mutant League sports was rocked amidst recent accusations of doping against the… Read More →
How to Monetize Your Podcast by Selling Your Recording Equipment August 5, 2017 So you finally started that podcast you’ve been talking about for three years. Good for you! I’m sure now that… Read More →
I Never Married Because I Actually Care About the Future of This Band July 30, 2017 Let’s get something straight, you fucking posers. I’m not some goddamn weekend warrior; I’m in this for the long haul.… Read More →
I Reduced My Carbon Footprint by Getting My Third DUI June 25, 2017 Alright, LISTEN UP, you stupid, mouth-breathing, McDonald’s-eating, SUV-driving idiots. We only get one planet Earth, and you ASSHOLES are KILLING… Read More →
Husker DüS and Husker DöN’ts: A Guide to Office Culture Now That You’ve Finally Given Up June 9, 2017 Look, I can go back to playing in a band whenever I want, OK? Sure, maybe being the lead singer… Read More →