HARRISBURG, Penn. – Local toddler and diehard “Bluey” fan Collette Winston-Bradford expressed immense displeasure with the newer songs by the beloved animated dog, sources picking…
Title Fight remains the only good thing to come out of Pennsylvania. They also remain hardcore’s gold-star ghosters for being on unofficial hiatus since 2018,…
COLUMBUS, Ohio —Notoriously weird bands Primus and Puscifer announced a joint headlining show at an upcoming Unbearable Tinder Date Convention which expects to draw thousands…
BLACK ROCK DESERT, Nev. – Burning Man festival attendee Joshua Lewis recently died onsite due to his utter paranoia that he’d become dehydrated, sources taking…
Alright, I’ve got this. I’m prepared. Rolling up to the regularly scheduled orgy with my clean STD test, 700 or so condoms, some Lubriderm just…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — High school math teacher Charles Negley experienced a fleeting moment of euphoria followed by utter disappointment earlier today, after reading news that…
PITTSBURGH – Taylor Swift’s recent whirlwind trip to the Steel City caused real estate prices to skyrocket by a shocking margin, locals currently dealing with…
RENO, Nev. – Local music fan Roger Dalton remains steadfast in his opinion that Poison’s seminal hit “Talk Dirty to Me” is a “fucking jam”…
Unless you have been offline for the past two years, which, first of all, good for you, you’ve probably heard of Baltimore’s hardcore outfit Turnstile.…
SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y. — Local lesbian Molly Roth recently completed the solemn task known in her community as the “changing of the guard” by putting…
Look–I know Ghost is bad. They make pretty bog-standard hard rock, performed by cosplay Satanists, with lyrics that only the edgiest of teenagers find subversive.…
PERRYOPOLIS, Penn. — The signature 2023 Chardonnay by Grapes of Wrath winery presents heavily with top notes of vinyl chloride, sources who can’t stop thinking…
System Of A Down is one of those bands that has a near-universal appeal and everyone, whether they want to admit it or not, has…
There are few groups working currently as divisive as 100 gecs; hailed as either progressive geniuses or derided as irony-poisoned shitposters, their genre-defying sophomore release…
PITTSBURGH – Popular tattoo artist Lee Steinbeck took to their Instagram stories to apologize for neglecting their unread DMs for nearly the thirtieth time in…