Their cult status and critically acclaimed albums have landed them at the top of lists curated by the likes of Pitchfork and Stereogum, but in the world of hospitality, the Neutral Milk Hotel is only ranked the 198th best lodging destination in Lawrence, KS. Woof! But how could such a beloved indie band make for such a mediocre boutique hotel? Surely if Jeff Mangum could manage to write all those wonderfully quirky songs, surely he could manage a meager 45-room property with a limited food and beverage program. And yet, The Neutral Milk Hotel remains the single lowest-ranked property ever produced by the Elephant 6 collective. This place makes of Montreal’s humble bed-and-breakfast look like the Ritz-Carlton. So what gives?
Since its inception, the hotel has been a bit of a curiosity. Initially thought of as a conceptual piece for a double album that was ultimately scrapped, the brick-and-mortar facsimile has surprisingly outlasted the actual band, even though it’s largely reviled by travelers across the globe. Perhaps one of the primary reasons for the hotel’s poor reputation is the band’s dogged insistence on operating the property themselves instead of outsourcing to a hotel management company or simply walking away from the building and never going back.
As flugelhorn player and director of housekeeping Scott Spillane tells it, “We weren’t certain the band was going to make it, so we all felt it would be wise to have something more practical to fall back on, like running a hotel with no help or prior experience. I mean, what else are four guys with creative arts degrees supposed to do with their lives?”
Sadly, 25 years in the industry have done little to improve Neutral Milk Hotel’s ability to sell the public on the Neutral Milk Hotel. The whole thing seems very confused, and honestly pretty clearly displays why the double album got scrapped. There’s a needlessly heavy milk theme throughout, as evidenced by the milk fountain in the lobby and a swim-up milk bar that patrons have called “disgusting.” But if you can tolerate the milk smells, the hotel is not that dissimilar to your average 2-star budget property, except for the price, of course, which is much higher.
As one can imagine, the reviews have been unkind, with travellers referring to the property as “just a Motel 6 but with way more milk” and “the worst thing Merge has put out since the Zooey Deschanel albums.” As one reviewer notes, “They don’t even play Neutral Milk Hotel in the fucking Neutral Milk Hotel! It’s all muzak versions of Coldplay and Meghan Trainor songs.”
While it may not be everyone’s cup of milk, you have to hand it to the band — at a time when selling out was expected, they did the complete opposite by running a putrid hotel that made them way less successful and effectively ended their musical careers. So even if you cannot get a good night’s sleep at the Neutral Milk Hotel, take solace in knowing they are just as miserable as the rest of us.
